Flowing

Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Tiredness. Poker. Arrrrgggghhhhh. Close. Cigar? No. Way.

Satisfaction in recent results and play. Perturbed by near-misses and short-handed meltdowns -- twice tonight (Friday)!! Adjusting my game, but so many adjustments and tweaks and one-way streets that truly hold a thousand options. My head and my gut and my heart tell me it'll never work, never get better, never get ... it. But they're not really telling me that. What are telling me that are the things that are right, yet all wrong. So I'll ignore "them" and plug on.

Won 18 cents in the Quick Draw at Doyle's (249th/2,454 freerollers). Made $15 for taking 2nd/23 in TheBluffers game at Reefer. Earned 12 points as 3rd/44 in Real Poker Players League's Limit H.O.R.S.E. at Ultimate Bet. Three-for-three "good" outings. After my 7-days-of-profit streak had turned into 2-days-of-losses, we're headed back in the right direction.

And I should have won those last two tournaments. Long heads-up with Bluffers rival (sorry, bad with names, forgot already); led most of the way until I finally lost one big hand and gave him a lead I could never overcome. And in RPP game I was a maniac at final table, dispatching foes and building 20K-chip castle, 10 times more than my last two rivals each had ... yet it all disappeared in Omaha 8/b, normally one of my best games. The poker goddesses were sure having fun with me.

Gotta not let the results and the immediate happenings bug me. Just like loud-mouth sore losers (no names of juvenile clown bloggers who could use a swift kick in their humanity-lessness). Too sensitive, too nice, the shamster. Gotta shrug it all off. One hand at a time. All that matters. And nothing really matters.

Big weekend of games ahead. Model Saturday morning, which'll put a crimp in my participation but offer a nice distraction, a good opportunity for reflection and re-planning. Then back to the faux felt starting Saturday dinnertime. There are big events at Bugsy's Club and Bodog and elsewhere to choose from, plus the usual league challenges. And the BB3 is right around the corner.

(Weird, I type a word and a different word appears on the screen. Haunted keyboard? Or bad misconnect between "brain" and "fingers" -- plan and execution? Just old? Pooh...)

Maybe that's the trouble. Maybe there's no trouble. Definitely there's a bed calling. Morning is another day. One big success will more than erase a thousand defeats and disappointments. And it IS coming! Meanwhile, we'll continue savoring every little victory, every step in the right direction ... while not making a big deal of them, just like we treat the oopses.

You can stop shuffling. For now. New deal soon...